Pagkakalat

Pagkakalat. 2000-2004, 2004-2008. :D enjoy

This short story begins in 2004, when a young man named, Zara was pulled out of Manila Science High school. He didn't really like the high school anyway because he felt that it was a Nazi prison camp, being headed by a tyrant named Banta. His schedule was from 6 am to 8 pm, and that was only first year high school. He only had 50 pesos in his pocket, so one missing peso meant that he would have to walk home. He was thin, beyond recognition, simply because he was hungry, but unable to eat much, and he was growing, he was in his adolescence. He didn't really have a favorite subject, except English literature every 3 pm to 5 pm, because he got to read a book called the pearl, the rest of the subjects he hated, because there was a lot of pressure going on . He would spend lunch time, feeling bad because he had to eat canned food, or rushed instant food, instead of being able to buy food from the canteen, but he didn't know how to complain, rather he was simply grateful, because this is how he was raised, simple, What was there more to ask, he graduated from an unknown school in paranaque city with honors, in a class of 40, or was it 50, no one really remembers, only the songs of graduation rang through his ears, as he carried his heavy bag, through one kilometer of walking everyday, and commuted his way through to UN avenue daily. The burden was getting heavier as each day passed by. But that was the story of his life. He had spent 6 years in america, studying 3 of them at a public elementary school, making friends he could never keep, acquaintances that would seem strange in the future. Losing, losing and more losing, that is all that he had known. Losing people, is very painful as he would realize later on in life. This was the story of Zara's life, it was a story of staying in one place, while being in another, in spirit at least. After all, it is hard, being a Persian, without knowing Farsi. He was born in Persia, moved to america, learned English, moved back to Persia, cried that he wanted to go home, but this was his home after all.

So shortly after he entered this high school, where he was not really struggling, because he understood the lessons, very well, he was struggling because he was far from home, and always felt lost, and didn't have much lunch money. He would eat spam, fried fish, fried eggs, while everyone else ate hot food. He would eat alone, when everyone else was eating in groups. Secretly he cried, because he didn't know what kind of foreign place this was. The day came, and the assignment order was released, zara was scheduled to go to china, a province in china rather, called Fujian, the land of the egrets, this is where zara's life would be bound to change forever.

So the next chapter begins, zara gets his clerances signed, one time, even getting lost along un avenue, because he overate a boiled egg, he had to call home and be asked to be picked up. While sitting in front of jolibee un avenue, he was thankful to be leaving this place, filled with beggars, filled with students, roads filled with so many people busy with their respective lives. He drank some coconut water, and waited to be fetched. His younger years, were filled with feeling bad, while not having money, while not realizing both of these at the time. The flight to fujian finally came, it was a 2 hour flight, he would be riding economy, upon arriving in this strange place, he would take a cab, and be sent to the Lu shan hotel, which would overlook the place where he would stay, the twin condos of Xiang Jiang Hua Yen. This was a strange land filled with strange people. People who spat in the roads, buses where men got to sit and ladies had to stand, a land where people don't shave their underarms, and dance with swords to strange music, a place where there were no spoons nor forks, but only soup and chopsticks, a place where everything was inherently cheap, you could buy a kilo of vegetables for 10 centavos that is how cheap it is there. After a week or two, he got enrolled into an international school which would define the next phase of his life. His first experience would be being asked if he was from sri lanka, on the old campus, by one of the spouses of the teachers there. He would take an entrance exam that he would fail, he sucked so hard at math, for some reason. But change would come soon. So for the first few days at school he would meet some good friends that would stay with him for a long time. He would also meet Mexica, who would have a profound influence on his early highschooling. This international institution where zara would study for the next four years, would be a comfort zone, because it is a place where everything is acceptable, a place where you can play basketball all day long, change your clothes, then listen to the story of the Iliad. He would ride a bus every morning going to school, along side other foreigners like himself. and they would listen to the discman, pirated cds were common sight and collecting dvds and music cds were very common during the time, he would spend every sunday with his family, commuting to a strange island, where you had to ferry yourself accross, simply to attend the catholic mass. Before the end of the first year in highschool, zara would ask mexica out, and they would spend afternoons, on the schoolbus writing a strange book called the journal. They were happy for two months at least, until mexica's father had to go back to mexico. This was zara's first heart break, it was deep because he couldn't do much about it, he was losing someone to the reality of distance, and he knew that there was nothing to stop it, until the day came, that she no longer went to school, through out highschool, he would try to call her on her birthday, That was the story, according to her she kept this strange journal under the broken floor in her home in guadalajara. But who knows, time and distance change people.

Zara would meet and stay with three taiwanese, liao, zhang, and zhou, they were good friends because they had this mix of cultures somewhat. Avril lavigne was introduced her first album at least. He also had flip friends, lem, ten and je, and loko, and even one guy named victor tong. He also had a friend named uncle sam. This is the context wherein everything would happen for the next 4 years, the four best years of his life, he thought, until he saw better. As the years went by math became his favorite subject, because it taught him that the key to success is constant correct practice , and his favorite teacher was his math teacher, followed by his science teacher, and then his english teacher, however the english teacher would come and go from time to time and take these huge protein pills, scary right? That is how crazy it was back then. basketball three times a day. 8 subjects 45 minutes each, and a folder, who remembers the folder where you can put all the works that you did at class, so that your parents at home can review it, the part that he hated the most was his homework, because it was tedious and every subject had its own homework everyday. But that was all ok, he improved academically, and read and read and read, and studied and studied and studied, he became known as goodie two shoes as the koreans would call him.

Eventually he would begin crushing on this girl named reseta. Called her reseta because she's just like a pill and the horror doesn't end in fujian, it goes back to home. The issue with reseta is everyone in highschool became her boyfriend except him. It is a very interesting story indeed, zara spent 4 years chasing this reseta, and even home he spent some time with JC, at chilli's in greenbelt just to run into the silver surfer. The good thing about zara is he seems to always have a right friend at every wrong turn of his life. In this case he had JC to pay the chili's bill.. but after 4 years of chasing reseta, and some more years at home writing her rediculous thesis about 6 million pesos and a computer shop, time came and the distance and time changes people come along again. Eventually she ended up marrying without sending any of her flip friends any invitations, but one of the taiwanese was able to go to the home town of inasal, to attend this gregarious event.

Now we move on, so basketball being the only sport we really played in this strange country, we learned the fundamentals of it, including plays. flex, 1-5, triangle offense 1-8, 212 defense. 32 defense. man to man, full court press, how to lay up correctly, correct posture in shooting, where to correctly get your strength in shots, and stuff like that, even ball movement. Now many people contest the athlete of the year award, all i can say is it is true, zara played pingpong, bowling, basketball, billiards, not to mention joining a marathon and a bikeathon, if that isn't an athlete of the year, then I do not know what is.

Eventually he would meet wrinkel, she was shockingly cute at the time, and young, The would get christened together, by christened, I do not mean the dirty christening, but rather, the John 3:16, in the perspective of a non denominational, uncle sam, Presbyterian light, he would begin rejecting the catholic teachings and begin reading the bible in itself, the thing in itself, he would end these four years, being able to read the book 6 times from cover to cover, to the point that his father would think that he was going nuts. But deep inside he was convinced that this religion was his path, his calling, was to become a pastor to teach the word of god to the ends of the earth, this was his original plan, until everything went to hell. This is the point in his life when he would make the subconscious decision to enroll in philosophy.. It was a quiet afternoon at a buffet at the holiday in, and his mother's boss, was giving suggestions on what he should take in university, and ended up that philosophy is for those who do not know what they want to do, but have a unending search for the meaning of life. That plus the fact that one of his friends told him that they would be taking law would be the guiding posts as to why he would enroll in philosophy, going back to the story of wrinkle, she ended up saying that god said we're not supposed to be together, and this crushed him very deeply. What kind of wrinkle can hear voices about god, and mixing this with philosophy lessons made zara a very bitter person.  He hated the fact that wrinkle was only appreciative of these foreign races, JC would eventually say that she was the rudest of all his friends, because when uncle sam visited him at school, that is the only time wrinkle would show up. He ended up doing a mean thing to spite her by sending her over to the tv station when there were no auditions going on. Perhaps she would eventually find out about this, but no one is really sure. no one to verify the fact.

Moving forward, there were good times as well, like hiking in a mountain, starting a fire, and getting called out by the red guard. Playing basketball against the chinese military, and the flip community. These were the good times, oh and yes, the tour when zara got to see how huge the country actually was, imagine driving 5 hours through 17 tunnels, just to reach another mountain, which he had to climb, it was an enjoyable experience, although, these highschool years were full of heart break and drama, It was entirely due to circumstance I should say looking back. It slowly sank into zara that this was his comfort zone, but he didn't know yet, graduation came, and the day after graduation was the shocker, once landing in manila, he and his dad, visited his grandpa colonel, while having k9 as a driver. He broke down again in the car, and said that he missed his friends, but slowly he was realizing that another phase in his life had come, the phase of leaving again a life behind him. Perhaps this is the same in any highschool, but the difference here is the fragmentation of the people into different countries all over the world. Thank god for facebook he was able to add them all again. The pain was there but slowly subsided. Again he did not know who he was. He didnt' know what he wanted to do, so he ended up taking his mom's boss' advice of taking up philosophy. And these is where 2004 begins.

2004 was a very strange year. The first person he talked to was general. General was at the time a communist. He hated the capitalist system and started day one of philosophy reciting verses out of the communist manifesto. He treated zara to jolibee, with a chocolate shake, this general would eventually become his good friend for a very long time. This is also the best academic year of zara's life because he would do nothing but study hard, he didn't have anything else to do but study, he ended up with a very high gpa and even made the deans list. This is where he would meet JC, and mr fai, and the sissy. And together they would form the kalat crew. This kalat crew would stay together, until golum came along. The story of golum is a simple one, it is about carnal pleasures, and cognitive lying. Golum was about 5 ft 1, yellow skinned, and a very good definition of insane. She would quote fictional books, and try applying them into philosophy, she would dream up reading the second vatican council and try quoting it in philo class, She transferred over from accountancy to philosophy for some reason, and eventually zara and golum would cross paths, and this would become what is known as the greatest loitering in human history. Zara would pick her up in miguelin every day at 5 am, so as they would not miss out on prudente comp class at 7 am. Then they would do public affection all day long, which the class would find very distracting and disturbing. Golum would teach zara the secret of carnal pleasure without going full all out in it. This would drive zara to the point of madness, and define his life for the years to come. She would also teach him how to lie, and lie good, and it would also become part of him for the years to come. Zara would be unable to overcome this predicament really. So after 6 months and much goading from friends and family, and even a couple of row with zara's highschool buddies, zara called it quits, by returning all the stuff to golums place. But this would only be the beginning of a search for zara, the search for carnal sex. This would define his next four years, or more, wanting to do nothing more than get lucky. Golum and zara never became friends again, perhaps because of the damage the relationship did or both or who the hell knows. All I know is they can't be friends, and it is sorta better that way, although efforts were made to bridge this strange gap.

So after golum zara found himself immersing himself in mmorpgs, which would now define his life going on further, JC of course was watching the entire time, but was busy writing a hate mail in webdings, the general was busy with his works of art, sissy was being a sissy, and fai was busy somewhere, no one really knows. The first offspring of golum would be Olviga, which zara met online, and tried to impress by buying expensive oh sorry, not even expensive cloths in sm manila, again using JC funding. Patrick star was there busy making fun of zara's melt down. Eventually after about a month, it didn't work out and zara failed in his goal of getting lucky, but spent a shit load of cash on this campaign..

Grimace would then refer zara to this lady in fairview. Zara would secure a loan from the general and they would have their first date in tokyo tokyo, This lady would be very mean to zara, eventually giving him the name chaka, unintentionally which will continue to haunt zara to this day. Grimace would end the year by quitting and transferring, because she was afraid to face the difficulty of philosophy. Zara would eventually get called him by babes, his professor who is his neighbor, and they would ride home together, I could still remember this crazy day. The lady ordered the very expensive at the time dish,

After this instance in fairview, zara now known as chaka, would go on playing his games, and eventually met the mamasang. The mamasang was based in baguio and eventually referred him to nympha. Chaka went to baguio, and got very lucky with nympha, he was shocked, that such a creature had existed. Such a strange creature who didn't want anything but carnal pleasure in and out, she didnt' even want the money looking back at it, she just wanted the pleasure. It was very disturbing looking back at it, chaka was able to use fai's tool in this endeavor, and it was one of the craziests experiences of his life. He ended up coming back home, and his father said that does he look like the back of a burnt pan, and eventually time and distance came back into play because nympha had to go back to baguio..

About a month later, chaka informed JC that he was going back up to baguio, in hopes of getting lucky. JC insisted that he see this one through because of the dangers involved. This is now the era of the queen, who looked in fact like a washed up version of wrinkel, back in the day. The bad side of this story was, we ended up spending a lot of money, chaka and jc, And learning in the process of how to smoke, while almost jumping off a cliff in baguio, while listening to it ends tonight. The story was really simple, this strange nympha 2.0 wanted JC, instead of chaka, but couldn't get JC, so called her EX, and instead flirted with him, its a very disturbing life really, looking back.

So chaka and JC went back to manila, money spent, and it was OJT time. Chaka was able to spend a good 3 -4 months sober, until the lady from fairview decided to call him back, And this story after this one is for another day.


Now to reflect on what happened in zara's life is a tedious task. It seems that at some point in his life, he was unaware, resentful yet pampered to a certain extent. He seems to have been very envious of what others had, yet he was in a way pampered, I do not understand how this is possible. How can you have and not have at the same time? Aristotle would be very angry because this beats basic logic, and the principle of non contradiction, how can someone be pampered, and lacking at the same time, or better put pampered while being envious? Is that even possible, that is a question that I have to ask. It also seems that chaka grew up around people who always seem to have more than what he has to offer. He grows around rude but not bratty kids, he tries to go with the flow but it never seems to work because his facticity is very different he isn't trying to pose, but neither does he has what they have. He becomes their friend out of genuine trust, however, he seems to be envious of what they have because that is how it rolls, it happens that the is the poorest man in the room, but often the smartest. He became very angry because of his hung up experiences in sex. But he is certainly able to be honest, at times, which needs to be always.

We will have to continue to push to grow, to overcome to be honest and to be true, and be genuine. This is the story of his life, the luck of having others, but the curse of not being the best. I guess there is no perfect life, just one that you have to make perfect by yourself. The story of consistenly overcoming your hang ups and weaknesses, instead of feeling self pity. The need to be brave instead of being afraid, This is the story of chakas' life, the struggle from moving from weak to strong, while those around you are in a way better, and in a way worse. Acceptance and understanding humility and faith, life and love, sex and hate, pain and glory, losing one's self because of being unaware of the surrounding, that is the life story. In one short sentence, chaka's biggest mistake is one of ignorance, and not rethinking the things the he should be doing.


Till this day we continue.

On Forgiveness - ACTS 3:19

JORGE MICHAEL MANIBO PEREZ·TUESDAY, 29 SEPTEMBER 2015

On Forgiveness - ACTS 3:19

In light of recent revelations in my life it is only fitting that I write about the sensitive topic of forgiveness, to give it what they say would be my take on the subject. Recently life slammed me hard with some dire realizations that I had either forgone in the past, or simply swept under the rug, or white washed. The first hurdle to forgiveness is fear, you can not afford to forgive someone if you are afraid of getting hurt, or are afraid of the repercussions of forgiving them. Guilty as charged I was. Because I had always thought too highly of myself. Partly because of the way I was raised and trained, but I wasn’t the arrogant type of person, I was much worse, I was the type that never really said anything bad until it was consumed into a geng-ki-dama like energy ball, and then it would wrought destruction. You can only begin truly forgiving when you are no longer afraid to accept the truth about what had happened. Only then is it truly possible to forgive. The second hurdle of forgiveness must be pride, in which you are simply too full of yourself to accept that others can be wrong, or much worse, that even you can be wrong. Again I was guilty as charged on this matter. I went on objectifying people thinking that they were no better than me, the audacity of it was extreme that I already had lost sight of myself in the process. Once you begin lowering or getting rid of your pride altogether the situation should improve for the better. The third hurdle of forgiveness, is rage. If you keep on harboring rage, anger, scorn, then naturally you cannot forgive because you are still angry at the situation, the other person, or yourself. In my case, guilty as charged on all counts. But the beauty is this is how I learned to forgive. So the flak was incoming from the interventionists who wished to set me straight in my ways. Constantly I was bombarded just like berlin, during the siege of berlin. I guess after a few sessions of talking and ranting and talking and fighting, and crying, and yes the tears were many, I sat in a corner, and saw my kid, and realized something that I had not realized ever. It was that there is hope, there is transcendence, there is possibility of change. Because just like a kid who can learn anything, so should I be. So if my kid could learn how to express affection, so should I be able to. So I began my attempt, in the light of a verse in acts, although not completely because I still cannot accept the explanation at times. Or perhaps I should say that I was able to repent and turn away from my ways, and in the process accept the enlightenment from the divine. This timeless verse in acts 3:19, which I only looked up now by the way, perfectly explains, what forgiveness is. It is about 1. acknowledging fault, 2. turning away from it. 3. accepting enlightenment about it. Perhaps it is a deconstruction of 3:19. because clearly 3:19 says something totally different, but the meaning is the same in essence at least.

To conclude perhaps the most important attitudes in life are humility, and listening. Because with these two traits, one should be able to empathize deeply with others, in a way that very few are able to. Had I not listened and listened both carefully and intently to the the feedback of my peers and friends, then perhaps I would still be harboring this cancer. Now I’m simply working to do this everyday of my life. To be both true to myself, true to those around me, and true to god. I did it because I have been converted, not in the christian sense, but in the human sense. I have changed from a bitter person, to one who knows what to listen for, and how to feel, as soon as I heard my own lips say, i’m sorry, forgive me for my misgivings, and the times when I failed, it was like a huge rock was lifted from my daily burden of life. It was like I was reborn, a refreshed man. So it is definitely a good experience for me. One experience no amount of money can buy, because these kinds of experiences are life changing. Everyday I will try to be asking for someone else’s forgiveness, because it is redeeming. Its not about avoiding failure, its about accepting it and overcoming it. That’s what life is about I guess. At the very least, that is where it has led me thus far.

A critic somewhat.

JORGE MICHAEL MANIBO PEREZ·SUNDAY, 4 OCTOBER 2015

This topic has been long overdue. So today, I will tell you the story of how I came about joining this type of business and what it has done for me and my family. It all started back in 2009, I was struggling through the hardship of working for a corporation, or rather a privately held business that focused on recruitment. Some will say that we should all work because we find a sense of fulfillment, or a sense of purpose in working. This has to be true, because you can only find yourself in the face of the other. However, it doesn’t really follow. The problem with recruitment agencies is they only make money because someone else loses something, in this case, the employees who are deployed, are often subject to overtime, and are generally underpaid, it is the healthy way of circumventing the labor code, namely where companies cannot hire contractual employees when these employees serve a purpose that is deemed necessary to the nature of the company or business. For example, a warehouse logistics company should not be allowed to hire contractual warehouse workers. This is my interpretation at least. Now moving forward, so I was tired of these long 12 hour days, that often escalated to 15-18 hours depending on the demand of the need, while being paid poorly. Time for change was coming. So I submitted my resignation, in good faith, and was only allowed to leave, nine months later. But nonetheless thanks to people who shaped me and helped me deal with the tenacity needed to survive everyday life, this was my reality at the time. In tagalog, isang kahig isang tuka, the only difference was, it wasn’t really the case, I was actually spending more than I was earning, despite my already frugal lifestyle, imagine a life where buying your food outside, would make or break your budget in the month. I remember taking home around 12k monthly. and having a mere 300 pesos in my pocket daily. 300 x 30 is 9000 already. :D So I was technically paying the company back just to get to the office and survive day to day. But nonetheless I am but thankful because of the many crazy experiences that I learned on the way. I learned that title and positions were meaningless really, unless you’re in a MNC, or unless you’re in a huge organization. But most of all I learned the value of helping others, but if you look at it critically, was I really helping others, helping by helping them subject themselves to poor work conditions, and poor pay, because it was better than being unemployed, but was it really? To this day I ask this question, while being bombarded by money isn’t everything lectures, and stuff like that. You see, I grew up around people who out caste me, in the Indian Sense. What increased my reason for leaving was the fact that I felt overworked and under compensated, all I got from my good friend was, “there isn’t much money to expect from Human Resources”, and so dang, I was fed up. And so I left, 6 months later, I found myself taking calls for a bank based in britain, for american accounts, although taxing on my voice and my schedule, as I was in the graveyard shift, It did pay better overall, and I felt much less overworked, however, I felt so small in such a huge system. It was fun nonetheless because even though I was asleep in the afternoons, I found it fun to have time in the morning to run errands etc. But due to the strange schedule, I always found myself running after time. You run after time because your sleep schedule is not the same with everyone else. So after another taxing year and so, I decided to throw in towel. Around the same time, my spouse was invited to a company, in tomas morato called frontrow. She came home one night, and told me all about it and asked me to review some notes that had come from her sponsor. Being arrogant as I was, I mulled through these documents and only saw fault around every corner, I was like, is this the kind of document that a company allows its employees to distribute, I could not understand a thing really. So I stopped my spouse from joining, rejecting the idea that it may actually be a good idea to join the company. I told her that we barely had money and she would be throwing even more money away. But following her instinct my spouse joined anyway. So when I found out I was infuriated. Because the time requirements on her end was stupendous, she would leave in the afternoon and return in the early hours of the following morning. I was dumbfounded, because I was told that I should invite someone, to join, in order for the system to work. I was furious. I was very angry with myself and with everyone around me because I did not see the value of this. But my spouse did not give up. She took me over to the office one night, and one of the mentors after a grueling 4 hour discussion, explained to me the differences between how the chinese spent money. He said that when the chinese get a hold of money, instead of buying it with goods, or services or cellphones, they would first, save a certain amount in order to invest. This must be a fundamental truth in any investment. The irony was I was asked a question, and asked to share with everyone in the room what I had learned during these grueling 4 hours, and I was shocked at my own answer, I said that frontrow helps people because they help change the fundamental view of how money works. Often we are trained in the prussian system of education, where you get a specialization and work for someone else , or work for the government, frontrow on the other hand presented a different view, that you should fight against that system. That you should believe in the power of dreams, and consider increasing the size of your pan in order to earn more, instead of the traditional, ‘pag maigse ang kumot, matuto mamaluktot.’ And so I was a changed man then, and realized that I should grab this opportunity because it presented itself very well. So I signed up, and the following day, I had two sponsored guests. both of them joined, as my explanation of hte business and how it helps people actually works. In one week I was able to bring in more money, than I had currently brought in answering calls from my current company, I was astounded, I was made a believer of these large checks, because it would be simple logic. These persons who had large checks to the amount of 6 figures, were true because they were working so hard for their money, not many people understand this, but when you are responsible for conducting 9 -12 seminars a day, and work 10-16 hours a day, if you are being paid 6 figures, you would be happy. The only difference is this type of income is residual income, because they have become too big to fail. Everyday, rain or shine, storm or shine, someone will sign up a subdistributor, and their checks will continue coming in, as long as the business keeps running. And so I became addicted to this idea of bringing in sponsors everyday, however, rupture was comign my way. After a few weeks, I had run out of leads, friends, family, co workers, turned away because they knew for a fact they would be invited. I would often get this hard no for an answer, :D a bloody hard no at times. And the worst of all was the definately not. And so time passed by, training after training, we were taught not to give up, to continue running, running and running, keep those leads coming. Of course this is how the training would go because the checks of those on top, depends on the checks of those on the bottom, or to better put it, they want as many people on the bottom to keep referring people so that their checks wont stop rolling in. This is what I would call the pat of least resistance. Afterall who in their right mind wouldn’t want to receive a pay check week after week. This is when the rupture comes in, because after some time, running out of leads, and those who joined under me quit on me, I was outnumbered outgunned and it was impossible financially to sustain the business. The rupture came soon enough when I knew that I was in the red. This default came in the form of there was just not enough money to keep operations going. So we had to do something different. I listened to my father who said we should try to sell the products instead of trying to sign up distributors. And so we built a system behind this new idea of selling the product instead of the dream. But during hte transition, I had read almost all these books about money by kiyosaki and trump, my words were changing and so was my reality. I had stopped thinking of life in terms of rich and poor, and only thought about rich and broke, I was broke at some point. Then it all fell into place, the system began working, the products began moving and I had access to money that I had never had before, I had access to freedom that I had not before. I went on to continue building this system and still it is in play up to today. Distributors come and go, but we continue selling our goods. while having the time of our lives. We were able to visit malaysia, on a tour grant by the company. We had reversed the rejection in such a way that when the product worked, people would begin asking us how to become distributors. And the rest is history. It all occurred on one night when I attended a final training, and the trainer, the same person who was my reason to join, explained that there was a man, who had a serious sleeping disorder, he felt that in his dream, the doors would not open, he would push so hard to open this door, but a simple change of perspective, from push to pull is what it took, and the man was cured of all ailments. The same rupture happened to me. I guess that is life, it is expressed in circles of experience. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you’re down, however, what matters is that you keep an open eye on perspective. Three solid years of not working, being fully retired, enjoying and biding my time, has made me complacent, and as a result I lost all that I had built up. But in hegelian terms, the dialectical spirit is in play. Now I know better than to breed complacency, and so I continue to this day, reading books, studying, learning. I realized that I had come to the point that I no longer used my head. And that was all that it took for me to fall apart, it would be me not using my head. So I face tomorrow ready, understanding where everything fell apart, it is that strange moment that we move from being creators of vitality, to complacency and decadence in Nietzsche’s terms. Much thanks still though because I was able to live, 36 months of my life, truly free. Back in the day, when jolibee was a luxury, now vikings doesn’t even hurt. I may be down now, but I have learned a plentiful of lessons to help me get back to where I was, now more much much more fiscally responsible, I guess that is what happens when you’re unable to accept your own being, or your own caste, or your own surroundings, you grow complacent and arrogant and begin to see wrong, now we charge it all to experience. But we continue to move forward, as should. Hopefully, next time around, I do not ignore the numbers.

These recent revlations, in fact this last month, has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. But I realize that the most successful of all entrepreneurs, are not decadent. In fact they read a lot. Take zuckerberg for example, he has a year of books, he is even reading the nature of scientific inquiry, and other books. Somewhere along the path of enjoyment I fell off the wagon, but now I’m back. And I have found much much more than money, I found love, I found friendship, and i found family.

But I will continue to hold everything I consider true in high suspicion, because we never really know, do we?

Understanding Humility

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So after almost a decade of no projects in writing, or even attempts at it, I have brought myself to write or type, something just to express my thoughts. Thanks to the world being flat, I have been able to recently view a series of lectures on my heroes and have been able to reflect deeply on what humility really means. Needless to say we should define what it is, it is the opposite of arrogance, bravado, and conceit. However, to fully grasp what humility is we ought to look at what humility is not. Firstly, humility isn't about who is right, and who is wrong, what is good and what is evil, what is good for the greater good or what is good for oneself. Humility is a state of unending listening, intently, carefully listening, empathizing with the other, trying to put yourself in the shoes of the other. It is having a lower view, of one's needs, one's own importance, one's presence. Often we are taught about the importance of confidence, about the belief in one's self, the delusion of grandeur, the endless faith that we can do it. Now however, when you live that type of mindset, you will always tend to unintentionally, unconsciously even, step on the bounds of others, often hurting them, resulting from the differences in how people are raised. I find humility to be simply emptying the mind of any preconceived bias, consciously or unconscious, stop assuming, stop presuming, stop preempting, stop preparing, and just embrace the crazy thing called life. To act as if one is a sponge, simply absorbing everything around them, all inputs good or bad, all theories right or wrong, all beliefs crazy or not. True humility is putting someone else before one's self. Two of my closest friends have shown me this, through their actions with others, and their daily deeds. I sort of forgot this along the road, success, and success have led to arrogance, and attachment to victory. This resulted in my undermining the importance of others, blatantly at times. It is true that I am right almost all the time, however, it is wrong that I deprive others of the ability to be wrong or right. For me that is where I went wrong. It's ok to be right, but it is not OK to monopolize or assume to have monopolized, truth and understanding. This kind of living leads to breaking bridges instead of building them.

But thanks again to people who have shown me, that life is truly worth living, and it is actually ok to be wrong most of the time. What is more important is the tolerance of the right of others to be wrong, or right for that matter. Life is full of surprises. Its about having the right mindset to walk around in life that matters. Being able to accept people for their scars, and not thinking like hitler that one belongs to the master race. :D Often it is very easy to mask arrogance as confidence, conceit as high self esteem. So for me, I'm ready to be wrong all the time as long as I keep learning, and keep accepting my mishaps, lacks, weaknesses, failures, and other stuff. Gone are the days when i will pass along judgement on people for simply thinking a different way, for simply being a different way. Perhaps in the first place that was a mere defensive mechanism against being hurt. But either way, I'm moving on. I am to assume nothing, to think nothing, to empty my mind of any positions.

So to conclude what is humility. It is giving without expecting anything in return, it is loving endlessly without reprieve, it is giving your life for some else. It is caring for others, putting them before yourself. It is a redeeming experience, It is about giving and giving. 77 times that is how many times you are to forgive your brother or sister. It is like taking care of a toddler. :D It is the expression of sorge. It is the fulfillment of humanity. It is accepting that you cannot be right all the time..


SO i shall continue